Leather Saddles, Plastic Turkeys, and Sundaes

My Dog Ate a Lightbulb

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In the town where I grew up, we planned our shopping trips and errands around the odd hours that the businesses kept. The banks, stores, and offices all closed at noon on Wednesdays and Saturdays, but the retail stores stayed open until 9:00 p.m. on Thursday nights. That was the day to walk down the crowded sidewalks, stopping to  chat with a neighbor, just being out and about.

We are often fooled by our cherished memories: childhood homes that mysteriously shrunk from the size we thought they were; candy bars we loved when we were 10 now taste like over-sweetened wax.

I have no delusions about my hometown, though. I’ve returned a few times to find a depressing business district. Although the city does keep the parks up and has added attractive street lamps, the main street is no longer the vibrant shopping hub it was before they built the…

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The Child In Me..

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When we were young,

We’d be crying and crying all day long..

Until we’d smile,

And feels happy again.

Now that we’ve all grown-up,

We’d be smile and smile all day long..

Until we’d cry..

And feels sad again.

Oh,how fast time flies!

How i miss those times when..

Candies and toys are our favourite things,

Instead of all these luxury clothes and branded bags,

Our heart is as white as the silken thread,

With nothing to be concerned and fuss with..

Only knows LOVE and KINDNESS.

Scattered dreams,

One after another,

Though our heart’s in pain..

We must keep smiling,

To hide all our sorrows deep in our heart.

People always love to say,

“Look how fast you’ve grown..”,

“Now that you’re a women,you have to stop living in your fantasy world..,”

“There’s no time for daydream..get a grip of yourself and start behaving like an adult!”,

So,i’ve learnt how to put those horrible make-up that i used to loathe so much back on 

those days..

What’s the use of it anyway?

What exactly that i want to cover from?

At first lesson,

I’ve learnt how to be silent,

Then,the way to read other people’s mind,

I’ll soon forget my former-self..

The real me..

The innocent me..

The pure me..

The kind me..

Where did it goes?

I’m scared that i’ll get used with all these unhappy feelings,

There’s a child in me that’s pretending to be an adult,

Everybody wanted her to be.

At first,it was all sweet and exciting..

As time goes,

My eyes have gotten all wet.

Left at a standstill,

Uneasy and dejected..

There are no thunderstorms outside..

So,where are the rainbows?

Being able to comfort myself,

Is a lesson that i’ve learnt from experiences,

That i experienced through all these years.

I don’t know if i’m becoming more leniant and

easy-going as time flies..

Or could it be..

That i’m slowly losing grip on my own principles,

That i’ve strongly held on too..

All along.

There’s a child in my heart..

Very stubborn since the day she was born,

Curious about too much and did too many reckless things.

There’s a child in my heart,

Who often prays for Angels to exist,

So that she could borrow herself a pair of fluffy wings,

To escape from reality.

Couldn’t even bear the sight of herself in the mirror,

And looking at those sparkling tears falling down endlessly..

When you told me,

On that very day,

To stop being such a child and grow up..

I couldn’t help but to feel so helpless..

By hearing all those words,

That’s easily expressed and forgotten..

By you.

Without realizing,

My eyes are raining…

At the end of the day,

You finally realised your mistakes and came running back to me,

Begging for forgiveness.

Sadly..

It was too late,

For,this child that you loathe so much..

Is much stronger than you think she is..

And much more dependant than you think she could be.

Just save all your meaningless apologies,

Coaxing words,

Sweet protection,

Warm embraces,

Soft kisses,

Tender love,

To yourself.

Because..

This little child in my heart,

Can tell by herself,

The right time to let go..

Or hang on..

When her person,

Doesn’t love her and no longer need and want

All of her.

It’s ok if you want to leave,

Just go and don’t ever look back,

I will be fine,i promise..

Don’t even bother to remember me too,

For,i know my place,

And i know that i’m not someone’s that worth to be remembered..

It’s ok,

I’m not mad or upset at you,

Never has..

I’m already used of being lonely and worthless,

They are my best friends anyway..

It doesn’t bothers me at all..

Its ok,

Everything is fine..

I am ME,

You will always be YOU,

As long as i have that little child close to my heart,

I can bear even the deepest wound,

Longer sufferings,

Strongest poison,

Sharpest words that cuts through like a sword..

Yet,

My love will always remain,

Hidden somewhere along the lines of pain and depressions..Image

Someone’s Else Eternal Love..

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Once they fly away,

They extinguish all the dragging desires;

As i smiled by,

The sourness of love and hate slowly..

Becomes a sweet poison spreading through my mind.

Opening a jar filled with grain of tears,

Blown by the wind,

So rapidly,

Shaking and pushing away..

Leaving one person planting the seed of loneliness.

Just a little shake and the dim lights of these old lamp,

Seems like a fireflies from afar.

Leaving all my hope and dreams in the cold wind,

To that day when you told me,

That you don’t love me enough..

Not even enough to last through all eternity.

What you wanted is only to live and love,

But,sadly..

That love you so much longed for,

Is not me.

After all these years..

That we spent together..

You stole and torned my hearts into pieces..

Is my love not enough?

What did i do wrong?

What else is there to give?

When i’ve given you all of me..

Still,

It was never enough for you.

Wasted and abandoned..

All these tender wanderings and feelings that i’ve harbored for you.

I am so envious and hates the cruel fact that..

It was the other person’s that has stolen your heart away from mine..

And i was left all broken and helpless in this sinking ship

that once sailed along the so-called Ocean of Love..

Why don’t you chased after me,

Like you always did before,

Is it because of her?

That has turned you into a different person

From the real you that i’ve known all along.

Until it costs me,

The price of my happiness,

My Eternal Love,

That has now turned into..

Someone’s Else Eternal Love.

My feelings for you..

Have vanished quietly,

Like the cold gust of wind.

Now that i’ve lost everything..

This lifetime seems draggy and sad.Image

David Levithan – A Review

The Book Wars

“I want love to conquer all. But love can’t conquer anything. It can’t do anything on it’s own.
It relies on us to do the conquering on its behalf.”
– Everyday 

“i feel my life is so scattered right now. like it’s all these small pieces of paper and someone’s turned on the fan. but talking to you makes me feel like the fan’s been turned off for a little bit. like things could actually make sense. you completely unscatter me, and i appreciate that so much.”
― Will Grayson, Will Grayson

Five years ago today I told my mother I am gay. I don’t think I know anyone else who has their coming out anniversary marked on the calendar on their iPhone, but I certainly do – my coming out was perhaps one of the most significant moments in my entire life. When I look back I am surprised…

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These Words of Separation..

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You are sorry for leaving me,

As you bring up these words of separation..

Rather than love,i want to have this yearning,

In my worthless life,

I am blessed that you’re willing to come near.

Until i see your back as you leave,

Being like this makes me happy.

Are you going to say,”let’s break-up?”,

I’m not at all prepared,

What should i do?

I know the fact that we are parting ways,

Surely this is not the end..

Why does it comes so unexpectedly?

Like the first time i met you.

Because i know you,

Because i hugged you,

Days pass as i dream,

It turns out,only in my memories that you let me in your heart..

In my dark life,

You came out of nowhere and found me through that radiant light of yours..

And let me believe once more,

in that thing called ‘LOVE’ again.

But,please..

Can you keep all these thoughts of separation to yourself?

At least for now..

For i am in no condition is prepared with losing you,

My one and only MOON..

That has been guiding and shines my way,

Since that faithful day..

I’m begging you,

Please don’t leave me..Image

Will You Come To Me?

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I didn’t know that everything was hidden,

So,i hoped to walk on that road again..

I didn’t know on that day,

That i have longed for an easier life.

Your love is more dazzling than anything else,

I care only for you,

As you know,sometimes i will stagger..

And i’m waiting here only for you.

When i forget about the love i once had,

Will you come to me?

If only i could see all of my life one more time,

I believed that it will be alright,

Because i had your love with me,

And that’s all i could asked for.

Even if i may fall occasionally,

You will always remains as my favourite person to falls to.

When that day come and i forgets about the love i once had..

Will you still come to me?Image

If You Love Me..

 

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If you love me,

Please love me secretly,

You can’t give me this responsibility..

For i,already have another person in my heart.

There is no place for you to live,

Even in the deepest corner of my heart,

There is no way which you’ll be able to take a stand..

My advice to you,

Please distance yourself from me,

Hardly a day,

No matter how hard it may be,

Please,

Don’t love me like a fool.

Everyday i dreamt,

To have HIM all for myself,

Even if i had to sell my life,

I would do it all over again,

Because of HIM.

Always being out of sync is my destiny,

So,please turn aside from me..

The person whom i love,

That person clearly is not you.

Eventhough it’s killin me inside..

I knew this road i’m walkin right now

is the Path of Grief.

And i can see the sadness in this path..

But,i can’t do this anymore,

I can’t never go with you,

Same goes with my heart.

Because in my dreams,

He’s always there,

Smiling and looking at me,

With that sad eyes of His,

Taking my heart and soul away

everytime,everyday,always has,always will.

PLEASE,

Don’t love me anymore,

Stop loving me like a fool,

For,it won’t bring you any good,

Please accept the fact that

I’m not yours to keep.

You’ll find someone better than me,

I know that,

Because i’ll always pray and wish for your happiness,

Truly and sincerely,

As a friend,not more,not less.

Stop worrying about my life,

And start living yours,

And keep in your mind that,

I am not ALONE,

Even if it might seems like it,

I AM NOT.

As long as HIS memories is with me here

in my heart,in my mind,in my soul,in my thoughts,in my actions

I will always remain as HIS lover,HIS companion,HIS soulmate,

HIS partner-in-crime,HIS Queen,HIS heart,HIS life,HIS strength,

HIS good side,HIS bad side,HIS wife and HIS everything.

For HE is the one and only 4 me,

If it’s not HIM,i won’t be able to accept anyone else.

And for that,

I am sorry.Image